Gratitude

Damn has today been a day or what. Starting off strong, 3:41AM my honey attempts to wake me up but I am sleeping solid. Blame it on the intense leveling up I continue to challenge myself with or the fancy Dutch Chocolate protein with a million different vitamins, amino acids, and new ingredients I’ve never tried before.. Just the night before. Nonetheless, it’s probably the combination of everything.

My sweet King comes in and plants a kiss on my forehead around 4AM asking me if I want to get up. “Yes,” I reply with every intention. But my body is fatigued. I think to myself hmmmm is it the fact that I consumed something new with Whey, Milk & Soy? I allow my mind to ruminate then I drift off back to sleep. Is this a self limiting belief of mine or do I just need rest?

Let’s be realistic here, I am a mom of a three year old, I sleep on average 6 hours a night, I have recently experienced numerous life events that would qualify any normal functioning human being to either go insane or transmute into a boss babe and I am electing for the latter. 

All of this work; mental, emotional, physical, social, energetic is challenging to say the least. But it’s worth every bit of caloric expenditure.

Life is meant to be lived beautifully, creatively and truthfully. 

Life is meant to challenge us, break us and persuade us so we may crack the shell of monotony and fully experience the tremendous fun this world has to offer.

It all starts with gratitude. 

What are you grateful for IN this moment?

There are no coincidences in life. I truly believe that. I know I have a purpose & that is to bring healing to others.

I am grateful for my breath

I am grateful I get to live another day

I am grateful I have the opportunity to witness my daughter grow

I am grateful I have two legs to walk, run, jump, practice yoga & make fun shapes on my aerial silk

I am grateful for my family, my fiance, my friends, my co-workers, & all the amazing and beautiful souls I have met along the way of this beautiful journey of life

I am grateful to have the technology to share my truth, (in yoga we call this satya) with you

I am grateful to be a lifestyle coach, yoga teacher, entrepreneur, author, mother, soon-to-be wife, daughter, sister, mentor, leader, healer, inspiration, influencer and most importantly unapologetically ME

You see, I journeyed down this path of healing when I became ill…

One doctor diagnosed me with COVID-19, another doctor tested me and it came back negative after 9 days of strict quarantine. My unknown illness quickly became quite an investment. My symptoms worsened; fatigue, fever, cough, weakness, hearing deficit, vertigo, paresthesias, swelling in my hands and feet, vision changes, memory impairment, cognitive decline, tachycardia, diaphoresis, and at times a sense of impending doom. I felt like I was dying. My family doctor was perplexed.. she encouraged me to quit my job, go on disability, sell my house and move in with family. I was referred to so many specialists who all had different opinions: multiple sclerosis? rheumatoid arthritis? chronic fatigue syndrome? Hashimoto’s thyroiditis? stress? overworked? depression? Lyme disease?

The truth is.. I was working so hard to help others I forgot how to care for myself.

One of the greatest things we can do in this life is to promise to continue to develop ourselves.

As we commit to this discipline, also known as tapas in yoga philosophy, we strip away the layers of limitation and reveal our true selves. Our light shines a little brighter and we attract more of our true reflection. 

We are all pure, divine, selfless, love and light inside.

Now if this sounds too-good-to-be-true or just makes you want to vomit.. Hahaha I have to admit, I have had those days too. 

But speaking from my heart I truly believe it. 

Life can be hard.

I have spent several days on end working around the clock taking call at the local hospital as a surgical physician assistant. Sacrificing family time to pour my attention into my patients. I remember like it was yesterday.. TRAUMA CALL = no sleep, endless surgery, my phone ringing off the hook one after another while I was scrubbed in, gloves covered in blood, hungry, with little sleep but feeling SO ALIVE. 

My passion to heal others has also run extremely deep. I knew it was meant to be. Trauma neurosurgery is where my heart lies but when I became pregnant, my life shifted gears.

I became pre-eclamptic, hospitalized on multiple occasions and ultimately induced to deliver my daughter in November, 2017. I was 170lbs at that time. My hands and feet, face, body SO SWOLLEN. Like ANASARCA to its full potential. I remember I could barely breathe, let alone roll out of bed in an attempt to pee for the 40th time in the middle of the night. After Ella was successfully delivered, I was determined to get back into shape. I was extremely motivated but my physical body was really dragging. I  struggled to walk around the neighborhood and push her in the stroller, yet I STILL GOT UP EVERY DAMN DAY & DID IT.

It takes this mental tenacity to truly get after it.

You have to WANT, BREATHE, BELIEVE & LIVE IT for YOUR HEALING TO MANIFEST.

I know how it feels. I know how painful it can be. But if you focus on positivity, COMMIT TO your gratitude practice and develop a routine I PROMISE YOU, as long as you don’t quit YOU CAN DO THIS!

So whatever it is that is challenging you.. Look it dead in the eyes and say goodbye. 

Right now, YES RIGHT NOW, say it out loud: GOODBYE!!!

Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed, you will either inspire someone or generate curiosity!

This life is too short to be lived any other way.